Rainbow After Rain

The Special Christmas Gift

I want to share this wonderful news with you all. I’ve received the most wonderful Christmas present I’ve ever received. My nurse D called yesterday morning and told me that my most recent AFP (the marker for the cancer) went down from 71 to 8 after my second cycle. The normal range is 0-15. According to my oncologist, I will only need one more cycle to end the whole treatment. I’ll be in remission. I feel like being given a second life. I’m really tired now…I will finish the blog tomorrow morning, when I have more energy. I have so much to joy and thoughts to share about the past few days, weeks or months…Brb. Good night, everyone, sweet dreams!

Side Effects, Old Friends and Girls Night In

I haven’t been updating my blog for a while. There are some updates. My AFP has been continuously dropping from 1300 before chemo to 71 after the first cycle. I’m in the middle of my second cycle now. According to my oncologist, I will need one more cycle of treatment after the AFP reaches the normal range 0-15. So hopefully, I only have to do three cycles in total.

Some effects of my treatment started showing up more aggressively over the past few weeks.  The most obvious one is hair loss.  It was really hard to see my hair fall out during the third week after I started chemo.  It was everywhere on my sweater, sheet, and pillow. When I was taking a shower,  almost a third of my hair came out. I cried in the shower.  I was feeling really down for a few days. Although I was fully aware that I would most definitely lose all my hair,  it was still hard to go through the process.  Other side effects involve neuropathy,  like nimbleness in my fingers- which makes writing and drawing more difficult ( >:( ) and some hearing loss. I noticed my ears are less sensitive to high pitches.  Hopefully, they are only temporary. But my oncologist told me that the hearing loss might be permanent. I was reacting really strongly to the news when he told me that.  I felt sad. I was thinking about devoting more to learn about music and play the guitar and sing.  Like EK says, it’s not that high pitches are that pleasant to hear anyway.  Unfortunately, I have an unusual fondness of high pitch voice, because I love Peking opera and used to perform in school cultural festivals. Alas…Gotta live with it…I hope chemo doesn’t further harm my normal body function!!!!!

I want to use ALL my senses to experience and enjoy the world around me!!!! No more harm to my body, please!

I had a lot of mental support from others, so I quickly got over the sadness and found the humor inside to laugh at.  I like telling jokes and making fun of myself. It’s part of me. I got that from my dad and aunt.  I am lucky to have people to share my laughs with every day, of course, not to mention the unconditional love from my mom.

Over the past two weekends, several old friends came to visit me.  First one of them was my best friend from college,  HL,  came all the way from NYC just to see me for a day.  He brought my favorite Wuhanese food “Hot Dry Noodles”.  I was all cheered up at the sight of him (and the noodles).  I haven’t seen him since we graduated from college a year and a half ago.  He’s like a brother to me.  He kept me company in the hospital. We went to get dim sum,  went to a happy hour, hanging out with friends at a bar, ate dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant.  We rode the carousel like kids. He helped to cut my hair, although his hair cutting skill is far behind his laser cutting architectural modeling skill. I was the only child growing up, but I felt I was with a brother I never had. HL is surprisingly mature for his age. Although he’s younger than me by a year, but often I go to him to seek advices or perspective.

Another great friend of mine JH visited me last weekend. She was one of the first friends I made in college. We’ve known each other for almost 7 years. She flew in from Texas last Friday morning. I was in my chemo session. She came to keep me company in the Infusion Center. It was her first time in California. I was really touched that she prioritized seeing me in the hospital over sight seeing the area during her weekend here.  The weekend she was here was the worst weather I’ve seen in SF in a while.  It was raining heavily and was in the 40s. But the last night before JH left SF was surprisingly calm and beautiful. It was right after the rain.  The air is misty, but warm. We had a long walk along Fisherman’s Wharf.  I finally got a chance to be a host to show my friend around at that moment. After walking her back to her hotel, and it was the goodbye moment. I couldn’t stop my tears from running…When would I see her again? JH decides to return to Hong Kong in half a year.  All my old friends are thousands miles away.  HL is returning to China. JJ is in Chicago. E in DC. ZC in Texas. LL in Shanghai…It’s so rare to find someone who you can get to know so well and have been through a lot together.  They are part of my growth, part of my present. I want them to be part of my future…and they will. I believe we will cross paths again in many ways, across the geographical and ideological boundaries bonded by what brought us together at the first place.

I had a wonderful girls night in with EK tonight. We haven’t had a one on one night like we used to in a while. Homemade dinner, dessert. Then home SPA night began. Doing facials, drinking peppermint tea, while soaking our feet in uber hot bubble bath, watching them turn pink, laughing at each other’s weird looks in the mud masks…Savoring watermelon (second dessert) while watching Wallace & Gromit, dosing off half in the 20 min long movie. ahaha…I like how I didn’t need to spend any money to feel like a queen! Life is Good!