Rainbow After Rain

This Too Shall Pass

After what I’ve been through in the past year, I feel even more appreciative of the things I have in life and the important people in my life. There are moments when I feel the sky is falling down, when I feel overwhelmed with the issues I need to deal with, but those are the moments that I reach out and I am forcing myself to grow strongly and adapt better…

I feel like a wild flower. Before, I wished that there was someone who can be there for me, and take care of me and even pamper me. I realized the only person who can do that is myself.

Being a wild flower is hard. It means to be out in the open field, to confront potential threats and the temperament of the environment on a daily basis…I can’t be weak, because there is no safety net for me to fall back on. I’m not in a conservatory…I wish I don’t have to be so strong all the time. I hope after I go through this time, and look back at it, I can smile with my heart, with no regrets, without fear. Thank for the people who are like wind, bees, sunshine in my life, that help me survive and thrive…

There is so much I want to experience in life: to bring joy to the world, to publish a book and share my experience, to learn another language, to travel to another country, to get an advance degree, to be more developed in my career, to be more financially stable, to enjoy time with friends, to be a health advocate, to be there for others in need, hopefully fall in love, have a family of my own (I don’t know if that’s possible for me right now…at least I want to be able to), to take care of my parents…ultimately, to walk through the journey of life with grace and dignity…

I want so much. I want to share. I want to express. I want give, whatever I can.
What can a wild flower do? I’m not royal, the most beautiful or special…
If I can bring a smile to someone else, I will be happy.

I want to experience all the moments as they come to me…Even during this moment, when I cry my eyes out…I know when I find reasons to smile, and laugh, those will be the heartfelt moments that will be worth living for, and I know it’s awaiting for me.

Fuck you!

Fuck you, cancer! Fuck you!
I’m trying to escape from the shadow you casted in my life.
I’m trying to laugh, when I run out of reasons,
I’m trying to believe, when there is only a slight hope,
I’m trying to love, when that is the only thing I can offer,
I’m trying to feel alive, when living means so much more than surviving,
I’m trying to expand, when the options are narrow,
I’m trying to try…

Fuck you, cancer. I said goodbye to you already! Why don’t you fucking leave my life, my memory, my future? Go away! I don’t want to see, hear, think about you anymore! I’m tired of being scared, living in fear.

I will be alright…I’m angry, but optimistic.